This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
