Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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