fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
