well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
