Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
