I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
