Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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