i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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