I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
