He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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