well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
