Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
