My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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