If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
