I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
