Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ugly people sure do ruin things
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
