Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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