Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
