I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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