I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found puke in my bra..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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