I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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