the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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