mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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