now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
