My pussy is not your playground.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
