Pants 0. Shit 1.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
