Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
