i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
