you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
