there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
