My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
