"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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