K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
