no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
