I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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