Too much gin, very little bucket
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
