I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
