shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
