when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
