I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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