I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
