i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
