So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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