Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
