I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
