Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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