There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
