I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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