# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
