does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
false alarm, still single
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
