It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My feet surprised me
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