So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
