Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
