So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
