Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
