My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
