so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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