my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Two words: blizzard sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
