Non-Jews are for practice
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
