K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
