took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
