I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
