I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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