I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
