thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dignity is for republicans.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
