I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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