Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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