She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
