Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
