I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
