he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
