I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize