FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
