The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
