in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
