Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
