yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
