I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
