To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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