I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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