I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
