Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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