I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
