Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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