I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
