How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
