You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
