Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How's work?
Spinning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
