just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
