guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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