Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
