Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
