I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
