he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
