they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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