He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
