I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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