Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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