We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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