so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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