You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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