he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
